I’ve done something so terrible.
I’ve just managed to hurt one of the most important people in my life. Out of my own stupidity and fear of losing them, too. To think, i could be so upset about losing someone that close that i actually guarentee the outcome by the shit that comes out of my mouth. I really need to be shot in the head sometimes. No wait, just kill me now to save any other innocents.
Either way - I feel pretty shit right now. Ever get that sinking feeling when you are upset, and you get told the most horrible news, and theres just nothing to be done? Yeah - thats me. I’ve been reduced to feeling about 2 inches tall. Whats worse, is that through my own actions, i’ve guarenteed that they dont want to try and fix things. Of course, thats fair, but it also makes me feel even shittier.
I cant believe that i managed to hurt someone that bad. I know i can be an idiot at times, but i never fully realized just how stupid i really can be. I guess the hurt which is inevitably going to follow for quite some time will serve as a life lesson for me. Losing those close to you always does, i guess. And this person was probably the closest.
I feel guilty, i feel ashamed, and i feel so terrible that i’m capable of doing such harm. Am i supposed to forgive myself and try and feel better here, and hope that any damage done wont affect them too much?
Just what do you do when you thoroughly break someones heart?
